A Man Without A Plan Is Not A Man

I am a single female in my late 20’s. I use an online dating app and I have gone on a lot of first dates, tons. I recently went on a first date with a guy; let’s call him “Jay”. Jay is a young professional, lives ITP, and enjoys kickball. Jay musters up the courage to ask me out after chatting for a while. We work through some details and arrive at the conclusion that our schedules won’t allow for a date for two weeks. He says he is still interested and I put it on my calendar. 

Fast forward, 3 days before the big date, I have to take the initiative (he should have; annoyance #1) to text and ask if we are still confirmed for the upcoming date. I am a busy person and if plans are going to fall through I need to know ASAP. Jay responds, “Yeah, definitely” and I say “Great, what is the plan?” Jay must not be capable of making plans because he says “Ladies choice” (annoyance #2). 

Here is a general rule of thumb for men or women; when YOU ask someone out, YOU need to make the plan! So I said “let’s go to this new brewery near Piedmont Park” and Jay says “cool, I’ve never been to a brewery." This gives me pause because this particular brewery I have chosen only makes four beers and they are quite unique. So I ask him “what type of beer do you normally drink” and my worst fears are confirmed by his response, he only drinks Bud Lite beers. So now I have to change the plan, 

I find a two for one deal for a different brewery, one that has a wider selection and is more appropriate for his maiden craft beer experience. I think I have really done well, I float the idea, and it all sounds good. 

That takes us to the day of date. I am at work and I realize that my plan sucks because it is a logistical nightmare with Friday afternoon traffic, the plan must be changed yet again. Now I am frustrated, I text Jay and tell him we need to do something else because of traffic. He says okay but offers no alternatives. At this point I’m about to say forget it, but I don’t, I pick two restaurants and make him choose. Jay chooses and finally arrives at the conclusion that “I probably didn’t help the situation. I probably should have just chosen something to do and had that be that.” 

Uh yeah Jay, that would have been good.

Tips for making a plan: Consider your audience; what does this person like or dislike? Think of logistics; weather and traffic. Remember the 5 P’s “prior planning prevents poor performance” and always always always when YOU ask someone out, YOU need to make the plan!

- L. Kenn

What do you want to Eat?!

I'm sure you've all seen this video by now, For every guy who has ever asked a girl “what do you want to eat?” just to hear her say I don’t know, I feel your pain.  This is a battle that has been waging on since the caveman first dragged home a pound of T-Rex meat, which I’m told taste a lot like chicken. 

To be honest, it’s a battle that will never end, but on behalf of all the men on earth let me explain why this makes no since to us.

1. Men are in most cases greedy, pick any restaurant and we will find something on the menu we like.  If not we’ll just put bacon on something healthy and call it a day. 

2. Women are in most cases picky, which is why we would rather you pick so we don’t have to hear the complaints.

3. This is not your first time eating food, right, RIGHT!?  

4. How on God’s green earth can you run down a list of all the places you don’t want to eat but can’t pick one place where you do want to eat?

5. If you say we can pick you can’t veto every choice we make.

I have never been in the mind of a woman but this is how I imagine the “where to eat” conversation plays out.

“Oh, where do I want to eat? Well, what did I eat today? What did I eat yesterday?  I was good today. All I had was four grapes and some Chick-Fil-A for lunch.  Plus it was a grilled chicken sandwich too! Oh, but I did have that slice of cake yesterday. Cake! No girl, no. Don’t give in to chocolate cake, or red velvet cake.  Cupcakes are ok though, right?  I mean they’re so small. They can’t have that many calories.  What’s the name of that app Suzie uses to keep track of her calories?  She’s so skinny. I hate her.  I’ll just let him pick and wherever we go I’ll get a salad.  But then I’ll have to watch him eat like a pig and gain one pound. Men are such jerks. I wonder what he’s getting me for my birthday?”

By this time 20 plus minutes have passed and you look up to see the Golden Arches.  Ladies this is not a hard question in the mind of a man. We oversimplify things, true but food is a necessity and should not be a complicated choice.  There are so many other things in your relationship you could be devoting this time to.

Trust me, I’m a Relationship Ninja!

- Racer X

Who's The Boss In Your House?

I think one of the interesting things that I hear when I listen to spouses speak about their marriage is who they consider the boss. I have heard ALL of the following:

• My wife

• My husband


• We both lead equally


• It depends on the day


• It depends on the topic!

• He takes care of the bills I take care of the children

• We discuss everything together and make the final decision(s) together

But, I think that one of my favorite lines come from the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. The wife said, “The husband is the head, but the wife is the neck that turns the head” - Brilliant!

But, really, who is the “boss” when it comes to marriage? Who is the leader?

Before I go into this, please know that this is my opinion only. It’s not based on scientific facts, but on my own upbringing and what was instilled into me.


Now that that is out of the way, the man is and always should be the leader/boss in every marriage. This is provided that he is a truly good man. Yes, being a “good man” is subjective, but every woman has that ‘list’ so compare your husband to that list and if he marks 80% or higher, meaning if he gets a majority of check marks then he is a good man according to you.


I’m not saying that your husband is the head so therefore nothing should ever be discussed. What I’m saying is that after everything is discussed, if you two have not come to a mutual agreement, then your husband has the final say so in the ultimate decision. It is a man’s job to lead and “fix” things. Let your husband be a man and stop trying to take his place.

So what if you don’t agree with it? Let me state the obvious, everyone is different and was raised differently. Because of that everyone will have different outlooks, views, and/or opinions. So, when you and your spouse are confronted with a situation, both of you will look at it based on your separate ideology.

This is why communication is KEY. You have to discuss these differences and from there make a uniformed decision. However, if a decision cannot be made together then the man, your husband, should have the final word.

As a woman, it is in our DNA to want to talk back and have the final say. But, in a marriage this will not work. In the infamous words of my husband, “Humble yourself,” and just breathe.”

In this modern society, women are brought up to be strong and independent and not depend on a man. What this modern society is forgetting to add is that you are not a man; so, when you find one put a lot of that independence to the side. Yes, it is one of the scariest things to do for many different reasons. But, when you find the right husband then it is completely worth it.

And for the husbands, do not abuse this leadership roll. While you may be the leader, consult your wife before you make a decision that would affect your household.


Marriage is a partnership and both of you are in it together. But, let your husband be the leader, the boss, and the man that he is supposed to be.

Erika Henry-Mitchell

Consider Being Considerate

As it turns out, being considerate of other people’s needs and wants can get you pretty far in life, imagine that! 

I recently went on vacation with some friends of mine, a couple, Dean and Amanda. What I noticed about Dean is how considerate he was, even to me, his girlfriend’s friend. Every day of the beach trip Dean would pack up the cooler, the chairs, the beach tent, anything else we needed, and haul it down to the beach to set up for the day. Sometimes he would hang out with us or sometimes he would go do his own thing but he ALWAYS made sure we were set. 

Gentlemen, definitely take a page out of this guy’s book.

- L.E.K

Texting Versus Talking

Advances in technology, that effect our ability to communicate with one and other can be great tools to stay in touch, when we otherwise may not. However, when it comes to your dating life, nothing beats the tried and true methods of talking face to face or talking over the phone. It's worked for generations, so to assume that our ability to text or email, can supplement the classic forms of communication, we are fooling ourselves.


Texting can be bad for several reasons.While its a great way to iron out dinner plans, or determine what time you plan to head to a movie, its a terrible way to talk about your feelings, and anything of importance that pertains to your relationship. Check out this video from the folks over at DNews, and let us know how texting has hurt or helped in your relationship.


DNews Report on Texting in Relationships

Deal Breakers and How to Navigate Them

We all have deal breakers. You know, those small or large things that often cause us to irrationally leave a relationship we are currently in, or end one before it even gets the opportunity to start. While we all should have deal breakers, these ideals must be relative, as everything that is good for the goose is not often good for the gander. Assuming that what is applicable in one relationship, is applicable in all relationships is not only rash, but can often place us in situations where we never provide others true opportunities to enter, and remain in our lives.


 Buzzfeed recently posted an article listing one mans outrageously long list of deal breakers, that is a little scary, but thought provoking at the same time (Buzz Feed Deal Breakers Article).
While the vast majority of these relationship ending or non-starters are down right laughable and ludicrous, it begs the question, what deal breakers do you have that have caused you to lose relationships, or prevented you from entering them, and are they truly as important as the weight you have placed upon them?

While you may not find those who walk "three people wide on the sidewalk" or those who find "trampolines safe for children" undateable. You may have a deal breaker of your own that prevents others from doing the main thing we all want to do in our relationships...be ourselves.

If you are looking for a relationship, currently in a relationship, putting a relationship back together, or simply determining as a single person what you need from a relationship, consider your deal breakers. How will they impact your life and how will they impact those around you. Love on the Fly recommends evaluating your personal deal breakers using the following steps.

1. DO NOT do it angry: When you are mad, your think mad. When you think angry you think negatively. Nothing good can ever come from negative thinking. Before you begin the process, make sure you are in a peaceful mental space. For example do not begin thinking about your deal breakers, right after your significant other had to call a late rain check on date night, when they need to put in extra hours at work.

2. Rule of 5: Narrow your deal breakers down to 5 items or less. This will force you to really consider what is important. By ranking your deal breakers, and rationally thinking about their effect on a relationship, it will allow you to realize things you take too seriously, things that are more important than you thought, things that are less important than you thought, and things you do in a relationship that could cause your partner to feel judged and unsupported.

3. Acceptance: Accepting what you can't live without and what you can live with, will inevitably make both you and your current or future partners happier people. It will put you in a more centered space to deal with both current and past deal breakers as they arise (and they will arise).

4. Say it Straight: When communicating your deal breakers, don't walk in the room with a "take no prisoners attitude". You will come across as controlling, not as someone who truly wants to be part of a successful relationship. Communicate openly and clearly, be prepared to answer questions, and expect a little bit of push back.

5. Rome Wasn't Built in a Day: The saying rings true, Rome was not built in a day, and anything worth having is worth working for. Just because someone may not instantly be able to adhere to what you have listed, doesn't mean that don't want to make you happy, want to honor and respect your feelings, and stay in the relationship. Patience is key here. While we all have the ability to change, it doesn't happen over night. You must also be willing to work with them. You don't want anyone to feel as though they are on a time clock, or that they are under the gun. It will make them feel as though they are forced to change, that you are making demands as opposed to attempting to foster a better relationship, and eventually cause them to harbor resentment against you.

What are your deal breakers? Leave a comment below and let us know what grinds your gears to the point of no return.

When to Say "I'm sorry"

Saying I'm sorry for many means absolutely nothing, for others it can mean absolutely everything. While its only two words, there impact can be profound. This begs the question, when is it appropriate to say I'm sorry, and what is the best way to do it? While it may seem very simple, it may be more complicated than we think. in a recent article published by the Wall Street Journal, apologizing immediately is the absolute WORST thing you can do. Just like there is an art to convincing someone to go on a date, there is an art to apologizing. If you have seen any of Robin Thicke's pleas to return to the good graces of his estranged wife, Paula Patton, it is safe to say he is providing us all with a text book of what not to do.

Robin Thicke Should Probably Read This

If you have no musical ability to speak of, and are unable to dedicate full length albums and nation wide tours to your wife or husband, there are other options (Robin we are speaking to you). Elizabeth Bernstein of the WSJ points out 5 steps that can be taken in any situation where conflict rears its ugly head...

Again, while these steps may seem like common sense, I think they are far easier said than done. Which one of these do you think you struggle with the most? The next time you find yourself stuck in a conflict, focus on trying to express a more positive behavior. Chances are, your partner will be happier, and when its all said and done, you will be too. 

Dr. Hal Shorey Dropping Knowledge

Check out the article from the WSJ below, its a great read and chances are you will learn something. For those too lazy to read, there is an informative video clip featuring Dr. Hal Shorey you can check out as well( WSJ Article) . Happy Monday everybody! And don't forget to say "I'm Sorry".