Who's The Boss In Your House?

I think one of the interesting things that I hear when I listen to spouses speak about their marriage is who they consider the boss. I have heard ALL of the following:

• My wife

• My husband


• We both lead equally


• It depends on the day


• It depends on the topic!

• He takes care of the bills I take care of the children

• We discuss everything together and make the final decision(s) together

But, I think that one of my favorite lines come from the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. The wife said, “The husband is the head, but the wife is the neck that turns the head” - Brilliant!

But, really, who is the “boss” when it comes to marriage? Who is the leader?

Before I go into this, please know that this is my opinion only. It’s not based on scientific facts, but on my own upbringing and what was instilled into me.


Now that that is out of the way, the man is and always should be the leader/boss in every marriage. This is provided that he is a truly good man. Yes, being a “good man” is subjective, but every woman has that ‘list’ so compare your husband to that list and if he marks 80% or higher, meaning if he gets a majority of check marks then he is a good man according to you.


I’m not saying that your husband is the head so therefore nothing should ever be discussed. What I’m saying is that after everything is discussed, if you two have not come to a mutual agreement, then your husband has the final say so in the ultimate decision. It is a man’s job to lead and “fix” things. Let your husband be a man and stop trying to take his place.

So what if you don’t agree with it? Let me state the obvious, everyone is different and was raised differently. Because of that everyone will have different outlooks, views, and/or opinions. So, when you and your spouse are confronted with a situation, both of you will look at it based on your separate ideology.

This is why communication is KEY. You have to discuss these differences and from there make a uniformed decision. However, if a decision cannot be made together then the man, your husband, should have the final word.

As a woman, it is in our DNA to want to talk back and have the final say. But, in a marriage this will not work. In the infamous words of my husband, “Humble yourself,” and just breathe.”

In this modern society, women are brought up to be strong and independent and not depend on a man. What this modern society is forgetting to add is that you are not a man; so, when you find one put a lot of that independence to the side. Yes, it is one of the scariest things to do for many different reasons. But, when you find the right husband then it is completely worth it.

And for the husbands, do not abuse this leadership roll. While you may be the leader, consult your wife before you make a decision that would affect your household.


Marriage is a partnership and both of you are in it together. But, let your husband be the leader, the boss, and the man that he is supposed to be.

Erika Henry-Mitchell