Rules, Standards, and the New Dating Scene

Dear ladies,

Would you approve of your best friend or sibling dating a man with no Job? How about a man with no education? In one of the LOTF teams recent discussions regarding relationships, we have noticed that the bar for both sexes is begin raised, in terms of what they must bring to the table to be deemed a suitable companion. For the vast majority of men the idea of finding an attractive woman, who is a great cook and will take care of them no longer applies (Thank Goodness). That being said, most women do not simply want to be taken care of these days. For those that still hang on to that ideal, think about it like this. What would you say if your best friend introduced you to a man who had no job, no ambition, and no education, but was "great at yard work and mean on the grill"? Chances are you would implore her to drop him like a bad habit. In today's muddled maze of human interactions, many of the old rules and standards no longer apply. Our hope is this new development will see more couples find long term success, as they are choosing each other, not hanging in there our of obligation.

That old standards or dating rules do you feel have fallen to the wayside in today's dating landscape? Leave a comment below, and let us know what you think!

Social Media and Dating, When to let it Go

"I'm just looking!" many people have said that in relationships, when confronted by a significant other, or when justifying their own behavior which might be a little suspect. For some reason the social norm once we enter a relationship, is to assume that we no longer have eyes or senses, and never find another person remotely interesting or attractive. Since, virtually everyone is connected to some type of social media outlet, this same dilemma that takes place on a daily basis in the real world, has become amplified, in a frenzied, whirlwind of likes, bikini photos, and half nude selfies.

In our current world of "Likes and Shares", where should we draw the line, when it comes to interaction with the opposite sex on social media, if we are in a relationship? The "Instagram Rules for Men", lays out a few tips, that sound down right wrong. "Comments you post don't appear in the Following section. They can see when you like a pic, Not when you comment". If you are looking to be an Instagram sleaze, this advice will probably be very useful. If you are looking to be honest in your relationship, and avoid putting yourself in situations where you feel like you have to lie or hide anything! If you have to lie or hide something related to the opposite sex, chances are it will probably make your partner fairly upset. Now take it a step further, and ask yourself, "is it really worth it?". Is liking a picture of a woman in a g-string, or a dude in a banana hammock, standing in front of a dirty bathroom mirror or disheveled bedroom, really worth having the person you see everyday, love everyday, and actually want to be with upset? If the answer is a resounding "Yes!", then by all means, take these rules and make them work for you. If it isn't, it's probably time to take out your phone and start "un-following" or "de-friending", those attention starved guys and gals you have to sneak and look at when your boyfriend or girlfriends back is turned. Basic rules for relationships and social media. If it can cause you to get yelled at, slapped, or dumped just let it go.

Deal Breakers and How to Navigate Them

We all have deal breakers. You know, those small or large things that often cause us to irrationally leave a relationship we are currently in, or end one before it even gets the opportunity to start. While we all should have deal breakers, these ideals must be relative, as everything that is good for the goose is not often good for the gander. Assuming that what is applicable in one relationship, is applicable in all relationships is not only rash, but can often place us in situations where we never provide others true opportunities to enter, and remain in our lives.


 Buzzfeed recently posted an article listing one mans outrageously long list of deal breakers, that is a little scary, but thought provoking at the same time (Buzz Feed Deal Breakers Article).
While the vast majority of these relationship ending or non-starters are down right laughable and ludicrous, it begs the question, what deal breakers do you have that have caused you to lose relationships, or prevented you from entering them, and are they truly as important as the weight you have placed upon them?

While you may not find those who walk "three people wide on the sidewalk" or those who find "trampolines safe for children" undateable. You may have a deal breaker of your own that prevents others from doing the main thing we all want to do in our relationships...be ourselves.

If you are looking for a relationship, currently in a relationship, putting a relationship back together, or simply determining as a single person what you need from a relationship, consider your deal breakers. How will they impact your life and how will they impact those around you. Love on the Fly recommends evaluating your personal deal breakers using the following steps.

1. DO NOT do it angry: When you are mad, your think mad. When you think angry you think negatively. Nothing good can ever come from negative thinking. Before you begin the process, make sure you are in a peaceful mental space. For example do not begin thinking about your deal breakers, right after your significant other had to call a late rain check on date night, when they need to put in extra hours at work.

2. Rule of 5: Narrow your deal breakers down to 5 items or less. This will force you to really consider what is important. By ranking your deal breakers, and rationally thinking about their effect on a relationship, it will allow you to realize things you take too seriously, things that are more important than you thought, things that are less important than you thought, and things you do in a relationship that could cause your partner to feel judged and unsupported.

3. Acceptance: Accepting what you can't live without and what you can live with, will inevitably make both you and your current or future partners happier people. It will put you in a more centered space to deal with both current and past deal breakers as they arise (and they will arise).

4. Say it Straight: When communicating your deal breakers, don't walk in the room with a "take no prisoners attitude". You will come across as controlling, not as someone who truly wants to be part of a successful relationship. Communicate openly and clearly, be prepared to answer questions, and expect a little bit of push back.

5. Rome Wasn't Built in a Day: The saying rings true, Rome was not built in a day, and anything worth having is worth working for. Just because someone may not instantly be able to adhere to what you have listed, doesn't mean that don't want to make you happy, want to honor and respect your feelings, and stay in the relationship. Patience is key here. While we all have the ability to change, it doesn't happen over night. You must also be willing to work with them. You don't want anyone to feel as though they are on a time clock, or that they are under the gun. It will make them feel as though they are forced to change, that you are making demands as opposed to attempting to foster a better relationship, and eventually cause them to harbor resentment against you.

What are your deal breakers? Leave a comment below and let us know what grinds your gears to the point of no return.