Rules, Standards, and the New Dating Scene

Dear ladies,

Would you approve of your best friend or sibling dating a man with no Job? How about a man with no education? In one of the LOTF teams recent discussions regarding relationships, we have noticed that the bar for both sexes is begin raised, in terms of what they must bring to the table to be deemed a suitable companion. For the vast majority of men the idea of finding an attractive woman, who is a great cook and will take care of them no longer applies (Thank Goodness). That being said, most women do not simply want to be taken care of these days. For those that still hang on to that ideal, think about it like this. What would you say if your best friend introduced you to a man who had no job, no ambition, and no education, but was "great at yard work and mean on the grill"? Chances are you would implore her to drop him like a bad habit. In today's muddled maze of human interactions, many of the old rules and standards no longer apply. Our hope is this new development will see more couples find long term success, as they are choosing each other, not hanging in there our of obligation.

That old standards or dating rules do you feel have fallen to the wayside in today's dating landscape? Leave a comment below, and let us know what you think!

Just a little fun!

All of our blog post don't have to be super serious, or advice driven. We are perfectly capable of having a little bit of fun too...well fun with a message! How well do you think you know your partner? Often times we think we know the "idea" of who we think they are, but are fairly unfamiliar with who they really are. This can be attributed to our own hubris and need to put things in their proper place for our own peace of mind. The problem is real, successful, honest relationships cannot function that way. Click the link below, and take the test provided by the Gottman Institute to find out how well you really know your partner. If you want to get the most out of it, you have to really try! don't give the answer that you think you should provide, give the one that's honest, even if it doesn't make you look too good!

Gottman Institute Quiz

Wedding Planning: Is it the calm before the storm or the Storm Before the Calm?

The team at Love on the Fly regularly pays visits to bridal shows to see what brides and grooms are into, and what they may need a little assistance with. While this may seem fun, we can assure you that its not. We dislike bridal shows, just about as much as you do, the difference is the attitude we approach it with. Wedding planning is tedious, arduous, and at times a little painstaking. This makes perfect sense, given that relationships (yes, even the successful ones) can be described using the exact same words. Love is never easy, so why should planning a wedding be? Needless to say, becoming a relationship ninja does not happen over night, it takes a lot of hard work, dedication, and even a little help form time to time (Why we do what we do). That being said, its important be open to the process, and put your best foot forward, even when both of your feet want to turn tail and run for the hills. Since having an argument (or two, three or four) is inevitable, why not try an pick your battles? There is no need to fight over everything, but maybe in some cases, digging your heels in will make the reality of that special day a little better than you could have even dreamed. Catherine Rampell of the Huffington Post penned an awesome article entitled "The One Fight to Have Before Your Wedding". Check it out in the link below, and be sure to let us know what you think about it!

The One Fight to Have Before Your Wedding Day

We're All Crazy

Why do I always look lost?

Have you ever felt like you needed to be stuffed into  straight jacket after having a conversation with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Trust me, you aren't alone. What I mean by that to be exact, is that I'm sure they felt the exact same way about you! You know that odd, bewildered, thinking hurts me face (i.e. Justin Bieber) the other person seems to be making? Chances are, in their mind, you look equally ridiculous. While it makes sense to assume that we are always logical, always sensible, and concise when talking to others, it makes more sense to accept that fallacy in that train of that. More often than not (especially when dealing with feelings) we are illogical, off-center, hypocritical, convoluted, and confused ourselves.

Before you speak gather your thoughts, and most importantly accept that you belong in the same loony bin as the rest of us, welcome home!

Baring it All

                                                                                                                                                                                       

VH1 (the new hub of reality television) has provided us with a new take on the modern television dating show. This is Blind Date, The Dating Game, The 5th Wheel or even The Bachelor. In VH1's Dating Naked, the title nor the participants attire (or lack there of) leaves much to the imagination. While anyone associated with the show would presumably say that "nudity helps those involved to break down barriers", the. People enjoy seeing other people naked, and the idea of going on a date naked, is so unfathomable, seeing others experience it is equally mortifying as it is intriguing. While personally, I cannot stand the show, I don't think it is going anywhere, anytime soon. They already have their first Wedding Special on the way for goodness' sake.

Click here to see the Naked Dating: Wedding Special Trailer

Is she high or is this just a poor screen capture? It's all the same to us!

Nothing like an arrow to the groin to start the day off right

Whether it's Love & Hip-Hop or watching people showcase their best William Tell impression in the buff, VH1 seems to have the relationship, reality-show game on lock these days. Have you seen the show yet? If so let us know your thoughts! 

What do you want to Eat?!

I'm sure you've all seen this video by now, For every guy who has ever asked a girl “what do you want to eat?” just to hear her say I don’t know, I feel your pain.  This is a battle that has been waging on since the caveman first dragged home a pound of T-Rex meat, which I’m told taste a lot like chicken. 

To be honest, it’s a battle that will never end, but on behalf of all the men on earth let me explain why this makes no since to us.

1. Men are in most cases greedy, pick any restaurant and we will find something on the menu we like.  If not we’ll just put bacon on something healthy and call it a day. 

2. Women are in most cases picky, which is why we would rather you pick so we don’t have to hear the complaints.

3. This is not your first time eating food, right, RIGHT!?  

4. How on God’s green earth can you run down a list of all the places you don’t want to eat but can’t pick one place where you do want to eat?

5. If you say we can pick you can’t veto every choice we make.

I have never been in the mind of a woman but this is how I imagine the “where to eat” conversation plays out.

“Oh, where do I want to eat? Well, what did I eat today? What did I eat yesterday?  I was good today. All I had was four grapes and some Chick-Fil-A for lunch.  Plus it was a grilled chicken sandwich too! Oh, but I did have that slice of cake yesterday. Cake! No girl, no. Don’t give in to chocolate cake, or red velvet cake.  Cupcakes are ok though, right?  I mean they’re so small. They can’t have that many calories.  What’s the name of that app Suzie uses to keep track of her calories?  She’s so skinny. I hate her.  I’ll just let him pick and wherever we go I’ll get a salad.  But then I’ll have to watch him eat like a pig and gain one pound. Men are such jerks. I wonder what he’s getting me for my birthday?”

By this time 20 plus minutes have passed and you look up to see the Golden Arches.  Ladies this is not a hard question in the mind of a man. We oversimplify things, true but food is a necessity and should not be a complicated choice.  There are so many other things in your relationship you could be devoting this time to.

Trust me, I’m a Relationship Ninja!

- Racer X

Who's The Boss In Your House?

I think one of the interesting things that I hear when I listen to spouses speak about their marriage is who they consider the boss. I have heard ALL of the following:

• My wife

• My husband


• We both lead equally


• It depends on the day


• It depends on the topic!

• He takes care of the bills I take care of the children

• We discuss everything together and make the final decision(s) together

But, I think that one of my favorite lines come from the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. The wife said, “The husband is the head, but the wife is the neck that turns the head” - Brilliant!

But, really, who is the “boss” when it comes to marriage? Who is the leader?

Before I go into this, please know that this is my opinion only. It’s not based on scientific facts, but on my own upbringing and what was instilled into me.


Now that that is out of the way, the man is and always should be the leader/boss in every marriage. This is provided that he is a truly good man. Yes, being a “good man” is subjective, but every woman has that ‘list’ so compare your husband to that list and if he marks 80% or higher, meaning if he gets a majority of check marks then he is a good man according to you.


I’m not saying that your husband is the head so therefore nothing should ever be discussed. What I’m saying is that after everything is discussed, if you two have not come to a mutual agreement, then your husband has the final say so in the ultimate decision. It is a man’s job to lead and “fix” things. Let your husband be a man and stop trying to take his place.

So what if you don’t agree with it? Let me state the obvious, everyone is different and was raised differently. Because of that everyone will have different outlooks, views, and/or opinions. So, when you and your spouse are confronted with a situation, both of you will look at it based on your separate ideology.

This is why communication is KEY. You have to discuss these differences and from there make a uniformed decision. However, if a decision cannot be made together then the man, your husband, should have the final word.

As a woman, it is in our DNA to want to talk back and have the final say. But, in a marriage this will not work. In the infamous words of my husband, “Humble yourself,” and just breathe.”

In this modern society, women are brought up to be strong and independent and not depend on a man. What this modern society is forgetting to add is that you are not a man; so, when you find one put a lot of that independence to the side. Yes, it is one of the scariest things to do for many different reasons. But, when you find the right husband then it is completely worth it.

And for the husbands, do not abuse this leadership roll. While you may be the leader, consult your wife before you make a decision that would affect your household.


Marriage is a partnership and both of you are in it together. But, let your husband be the leader, the boss, and the man that he is supposed to be.

Erika Henry-Mitchell

Texting Versus Talking

Advances in technology, that effect our ability to communicate with one and other can be great tools to stay in touch, when we otherwise may not. However, when it comes to your dating life, nothing beats the tried and true methods of talking face to face or talking over the phone. It's worked for generations, so to assume that our ability to text or email, can supplement the classic forms of communication, we are fooling ourselves.


Texting can be bad for several reasons.While its a great way to iron out dinner plans, or determine what time you plan to head to a movie, its a terrible way to talk about your feelings, and anything of importance that pertains to your relationship. Check out this video from the folks over at DNews, and let us know how texting has hurt or helped in your relationship.


DNews Report on Texting in Relationships

Deal Breakers and How to Navigate Them

We all have deal breakers. You know, those small or large things that often cause us to irrationally leave a relationship we are currently in, or end one before it even gets the opportunity to start. While we all should have deal breakers, these ideals must be relative, as everything that is good for the goose is not often good for the gander. Assuming that what is applicable in one relationship, is applicable in all relationships is not only rash, but can often place us in situations where we never provide others true opportunities to enter, and remain in our lives.


 Buzzfeed recently posted an article listing one mans outrageously long list of deal breakers, that is a little scary, but thought provoking at the same time (Buzz Feed Deal Breakers Article).
While the vast majority of these relationship ending or non-starters are down right laughable and ludicrous, it begs the question, what deal breakers do you have that have caused you to lose relationships, or prevented you from entering them, and are they truly as important as the weight you have placed upon them?

While you may not find those who walk "three people wide on the sidewalk" or those who find "trampolines safe for children" undateable. You may have a deal breaker of your own that prevents others from doing the main thing we all want to do in our relationships...be ourselves.

If you are looking for a relationship, currently in a relationship, putting a relationship back together, or simply determining as a single person what you need from a relationship, consider your deal breakers. How will they impact your life and how will they impact those around you. Love on the Fly recommends evaluating your personal deal breakers using the following steps.

1. DO NOT do it angry: When you are mad, your think mad. When you think angry you think negatively. Nothing good can ever come from negative thinking. Before you begin the process, make sure you are in a peaceful mental space. For example do not begin thinking about your deal breakers, right after your significant other had to call a late rain check on date night, when they need to put in extra hours at work.

2. Rule of 5: Narrow your deal breakers down to 5 items or less. This will force you to really consider what is important. By ranking your deal breakers, and rationally thinking about their effect on a relationship, it will allow you to realize things you take too seriously, things that are more important than you thought, things that are less important than you thought, and things you do in a relationship that could cause your partner to feel judged and unsupported.

3. Acceptance: Accepting what you can't live without and what you can live with, will inevitably make both you and your current or future partners happier people. It will put you in a more centered space to deal with both current and past deal breakers as they arise (and they will arise).

4. Say it Straight: When communicating your deal breakers, don't walk in the room with a "take no prisoners attitude". You will come across as controlling, not as someone who truly wants to be part of a successful relationship. Communicate openly and clearly, be prepared to answer questions, and expect a little bit of push back.

5. Rome Wasn't Built in a Day: The saying rings true, Rome was not built in a day, and anything worth having is worth working for. Just because someone may not instantly be able to adhere to what you have listed, doesn't mean that don't want to make you happy, want to honor and respect your feelings, and stay in the relationship. Patience is key here. While we all have the ability to change, it doesn't happen over night. You must also be willing to work with them. You don't want anyone to feel as though they are on a time clock, or that they are under the gun. It will make them feel as though they are forced to change, that you are making demands as opposed to attempting to foster a better relationship, and eventually cause them to harbor resentment against you.

What are your deal breakers? Leave a comment below and let us know what grinds your gears to the point of no return.

We're Shooting a Commercial

Lisa Hard at Work on the Cue Cards

Yeah, that's right! We shot a commercial , and it's currently undergoing the final editing stages now. We cannot wait to share it with you all in the days to come. The entire Love on the Fly team would like to thank the actors and film crew who helped to bring our ideas to life. Be sure to look for the official release on our Facebook page, as it will go live there, before finding its way here.

A Big Thank You to Our Actors Jordan and Eric