The Art Of Gift Giving

Ok, I’m about to tell an ugly truth.  Most women are horrible gift givers.  That’s Right! I said it! Now if your reading this and your thinking to yourself “That’s not true. I gave my man a PS4 and a cold beer for his birthday”, then you’re the exception, not the rule.  Also, why are you not sharing your wisdom with the legion of woman giving out Cosby sweaters and books as gifts? 

Here’s the thing, in most cases a man will pick a gift that is exclusively for his lady.  This is even true when they pick bad gifts, such as a vacuum, ports and pans.  Woman, on the other hand, often give their men the things they want them to have.  And in that lies the issues.  Buying him tickets to a play or a show you wanted to see is not a gift.  That’s just a date he didn’t have to pay for.  Has your man ever bought you ticks to WWE Smack Down, knowing that wrestling is his not your cup of tea and tried to pass it off as a something he is doing for you.  And if he did I’m sure he is still hearing about it. 

Ladies, here is a good rule of thumb when shopping for the men in you lives.

1.     Do I know what he is interested in?

2.     Does this gift benefit him or me?

3.     Will it make him happy?

It’s this bloggers opinion that woman are more sensitive, attentive and caring when it comes to keeping a relationship connected, but sometimes you can lose your individuality.  That’s why it’s good to honor each other’s personal interest with a gift.  Trust me, he will be appreciative of your thoughtfulness.

Rules, Standards, and the New Dating Scene

Dear ladies,

Would you approve of your best friend or sibling dating a man with no Job? How about a man with no education? In one of the LOTF teams recent discussions regarding relationships, we have noticed that the bar for both sexes is begin raised, in terms of what they must bring to the table to be deemed a suitable companion. For the vast majority of men the idea of finding an attractive woman, who is a great cook and will take care of them no longer applies (Thank Goodness). That being said, most women do not simply want to be taken care of these days. For those that still hang on to that ideal, think about it like this. What would you say if your best friend introduced you to a man who had no job, no ambition, and no education, but was "great at yard work and mean on the grill"? Chances are you would implore her to drop him like a bad habit. In today's muddled maze of human interactions, many of the old rules and standards no longer apply. Our hope is this new development will see more couples find long term success, as they are choosing each other, not hanging in there our of obligation.

That old standards or dating rules do you feel have fallen to the wayside in today's dating landscape? Leave a comment below, and let us know what you think!

Wedding Planning: Is it the calm before the storm or the Storm Before the Calm?

The team at Love on the Fly regularly pays visits to bridal shows to see what brides and grooms are into, and what they may need a little assistance with. While this may seem fun, we can assure you that its not. We dislike bridal shows, just about as much as you do, the difference is the attitude we approach it with. Wedding planning is tedious, arduous, and at times a little painstaking. This makes perfect sense, given that relationships (yes, even the successful ones) can be described using the exact same words. Love is never easy, so why should planning a wedding be? Needless to say, becoming a relationship ninja does not happen over night, it takes a lot of hard work, dedication, and even a little help form time to time (Why we do what we do). That being said, its important be open to the process, and put your best foot forward, even when both of your feet want to turn tail and run for the hills. Since having an argument (or two, three or four) is inevitable, why not try an pick your battles? There is no need to fight over everything, but maybe in some cases, digging your heels in will make the reality of that special day a little better than you could have even dreamed. Catherine Rampell of the Huffington Post penned an awesome article entitled "The One Fight to Have Before Your Wedding". Check it out in the link below, and be sure to let us know what you think about it!

The One Fight to Have Before Your Wedding Day

We're All Crazy

Why do I always look lost?

Have you ever felt like you needed to be stuffed into  straight jacket after having a conversation with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Trust me, you aren't alone. What I mean by that to be exact, is that I'm sure they felt the exact same way about you! You know that odd, bewildered, thinking hurts me face (i.e. Justin Bieber) the other person seems to be making? Chances are, in their mind, you look equally ridiculous. While it makes sense to assume that we are always logical, always sensible, and concise when talking to others, it makes more sense to accept that fallacy in that train of that. More often than not (especially when dealing with feelings) we are illogical, off-center, hypocritical, convoluted, and confused ourselves.

Before you speak gather your thoughts, and most importantly accept that you belong in the same loony bin as the rest of us, welcome home!

Baring it All

                                                                                                                                                                                       

VH1 (the new hub of reality television) has provided us with a new take on the modern television dating show. This is Blind Date, The Dating Game, The 5th Wheel or even The Bachelor. In VH1's Dating Naked, the title nor the participants attire (or lack there of) leaves much to the imagination. While anyone associated with the show would presumably say that "nudity helps those involved to break down barriers", the. People enjoy seeing other people naked, and the idea of going on a date naked, is so unfathomable, seeing others experience it is equally mortifying as it is intriguing. While personally, I cannot stand the show, I don't think it is going anywhere, anytime soon. They already have their first Wedding Special on the way for goodness' sake.

Click here to see the Naked Dating: Wedding Special Trailer

Is she high or is this just a poor screen capture? It's all the same to us!

Nothing like an arrow to the groin to start the day off right

Whether it's Love & Hip-Hop or watching people showcase their best William Tell impression in the buff, VH1 seems to have the relationship, reality-show game on lock these days. Have you seen the show yet? If so let us know your thoughts! 

Ask Away

Monty Python and Communication

No matter how long you have been together, 3 days, 5 months, or 10 years, proper communication is the key to any relationship. Without it the relationship is doomed to fail, but when it is present in it's truest form the possibilities are endless. The inherent problem with proper communication, is that its takes personal sacrifice to do so. While communicating in relationships is often viewed as a "group exercise", often times it doesn't work out that way. That could be attributed to the fact that very rarely, if ever, are two people occupying the same mental and emotional space at the same time. Even when both parties enter a dialogue with the best of intentions, it can often lead to more consternation than you experienced to begin with.

Breaking the ice one year in, is equally as important as breaking the ice on a first date. Do not simply jump into an important conversation haphazardly, but don't be calculated. Those approaches, will only lead to selfish interactions. Try asking pointed questions, that do not appear controlling in nature, but also put your partner in a position to answer clearly and thoughtfully. For example, it is very common for people to feel unappreciated in their relationships. It is equally as common for those who are accused of being unappreciative, to be angered, and confused by the notion that they take their partner for granted routinely. When your significant other states that they feel unappreciated, as difficult as it may be, respond by asking "what makes you feel unappreciated?" and after the answer is given, follow-up with "When was the last time you felt appreciated?"

While you may receive an answer you were not expecting, that could quite possibly cause more drama, it will give you a far better idea of your partners position and feelings, than simply talking off the cuff. Your significant other will be put in a position to articulate their feelings as opposed to simply feeling them, and allow you both to have a better understand about what is really going on. Far too often, our most important conversations function as emotional battle royals, as opposed to thought provoking, soul bearing dialogues that allow us to yield positive returns. Often times, we realize what are partner was trying to say all along, after its too late. Before it reaches that point, or even if you think it has, try posing more direct questions, You never know the good it can do, until you try! That being said, if you refuse or forget to listen to the answers you are given, it will all be for nothing.

A Man Without A Plan Is Not A Man

I am a single female in my late 20’s. I use an online dating app and I have gone on a lot of first dates, tons. I recently went on a first date with a guy; let’s call him “Jay”. Jay is a young professional, lives ITP, and enjoys kickball. Jay musters up the courage to ask me out after chatting for a while. We work through some details and arrive at the conclusion that our schedules won’t allow for a date for two weeks. He says he is still interested and I put it on my calendar. 

Fast forward, 3 days before the big date, I have to take the initiative (he should have; annoyance #1) to text and ask if we are still confirmed for the upcoming date. I am a busy person and if plans are going to fall through I need to know ASAP. Jay responds, “Yeah, definitely” and I say “Great, what is the plan?” Jay must not be capable of making plans because he says “Ladies choice” (annoyance #2). 

Here is a general rule of thumb for men or women; when YOU ask someone out, YOU need to make the plan! So I said “let’s go to this new brewery near Piedmont Park” and Jay says “cool, I’ve never been to a brewery." This gives me pause because this particular brewery I have chosen only makes four beers and they are quite unique. So I ask him “what type of beer do you normally drink” and my worst fears are confirmed by his response, he only drinks Bud Lite beers. So now I have to change the plan, 

I find a two for one deal for a different brewery, one that has a wider selection and is more appropriate for his maiden craft beer experience. I think I have really done well, I float the idea, and it all sounds good. 

That takes us to the day of date. I am at work and I realize that my plan sucks because it is a logistical nightmare with Friday afternoon traffic, the plan must be changed yet again. Now I am frustrated, I text Jay and tell him we need to do something else because of traffic. He says okay but offers no alternatives. At this point I’m about to say forget it, but I don’t, I pick two restaurants and make him choose. Jay chooses and finally arrives at the conclusion that “I probably didn’t help the situation. I probably should have just chosen something to do and had that be that.” 

Uh yeah Jay, that would have been good.

Tips for making a plan: Consider your audience; what does this person like or dislike? Think of logistics; weather and traffic. Remember the 5 P’s “prior planning prevents poor performance” and always always always when YOU ask someone out, YOU need to make the plan!

- L. Kenn

Deal Breakers and How to Navigate Them

We all have deal breakers. You know, those small or large things that often cause us to irrationally leave a relationship we are currently in, or end one before it even gets the opportunity to start. While we all should have deal breakers, these ideals must be relative, as everything that is good for the goose is not often good for the gander. Assuming that what is applicable in one relationship, is applicable in all relationships is not only rash, but can often place us in situations where we never provide others true opportunities to enter, and remain in our lives.


 Buzzfeed recently posted an article listing one mans outrageously long list of deal breakers, that is a little scary, but thought provoking at the same time (Buzz Feed Deal Breakers Article).
While the vast majority of these relationship ending or non-starters are down right laughable and ludicrous, it begs the question, what deal breakers do you have that have caused you to lose relationships, or prevented you from entering them, and are they truly as important as the weight you have placed upon them?

While you may not find those who walk "three people wide on the sidewalk" or those who find "trampolines safe for children" undateable. You may have a deal breaker of your own that prevents others from doing the main thing we all want to do in our relationships...be ourselves.

If you are looking for a relationship, currently in a relationship, putting a relationship back together, or simply determining as a single person what you need from a relationship, consider your deal breakers. How will they impact your life and how will they impact those around you. Love on the Fly recommends evaluating your personal deal breakers using the following steps.

1. DO NOT do it angry: When you are mad, your think mad. When you think angry you think negatively. Nothing good can ever come from negative thinking. Before you begin the process, make sure you are in a peaceful mental space. For example do not begin thinking about your deal breakers, right after your significant other had to call a late rain check on date night, when they need to put in extra hours at work.

2. Rule of 5: Narrow your deal breakers down to 5 items or less. This will force you to really consider what is important. By ranking your deal breakers, and rationally thinking about their effect on a relationship, it will allow you to realize things you take too seriously, things that are more important than you thought, things that are less important than you thought, and things you do in a relationship that could cause your partner to feel judged and unsupported.

3. Acceptance: Accepting what you can't live without and what you can live with, will inevitably make both you and your current or future partners happier people. It will put you in a more centered space to deal with both current and past deal breakers as they arise (and they will arise).

4. Say it Straight: When communicating your deal breakers, don't walk in the room with a "take no prisoners attitude". You will come across as controlling, not as someone who truly wants to be part of a successful relationship. Communicate openly and clearly, be prepared to answer questions, and expect a little bit of push back.

5. Rome Wasn't Built in a Day: The saying rings true, Rome was not built in a day, and anything worth having is worth working for. Just because someone may not instantly be able to adhere to what you have listed, doesn't mean that don't want to make you happy, want to honor and respect your feelings, and stay in the relationship. Patience is key here. While we all have the ability to change, it doesn't happen over night. You must also be willing to work with them. You don't want anyone to feel as though they are on a time clock, or that they are under the gun. It will make them feel as though they are forced to change, that you are making demands as opposed to attempting to foster a better relationship, and eventually cause them to harbor resentment against you.

What are your deal breakers? Leave a comment below and let us know what grinds your gears to the point of no return.

When to Say "I'm sorry"

Saying I'm sorry for many means absolutely nothing, for others it can mean absolutely everything. While its only two words, there impact can be profound. This begs the question, when is it appropriate to say I'm sorry, and what is the best way to do it? While it may seem very simple, it may be more complicated than we think. in a recent article published by the Wall Street Journal, apologizing immediately is the absolute WORST thing you can do. Just like there is an art to convincing someone to go on a date, there is an art to apologizing. If you have seen any of Robin Thicke's pleas to return to the good graces of his estranged wife, Paula Patton, it is safe to say he is providing us all with a text book of what not to do.

Robin Thicke Should Probably Read This

If you have no musical ability to speak of, and are unable to dedicate full length albums and nation wide tours to your wife or husband, there are other options (Robin we are speaking to you). Elizabeth Bernstein of the WSJ points out 5 steps that can be taken in any situation where conflict rears its ugly head...

Again, while these steps may seem like common sense, I think they are far easier said than done. Which one of these do you think you struggle with the most? The next time you find yourself stuck in a conflict, focus on trying to express a more positive behavior. Chances are, your partner will be happier, and when its all said and done, you will be too. 

Dr. Hal Shorey Dropping Knowledge

Check out the article from the WSJ below, its a great read and chances are you will learn something. For those too lazy to read, there is an informative video clip featuring Dr. Hal Shorey you can check out as well( WSJ Article) . Happy Monday everybody! And don't forget to say "I'm Sorry".

We're Shooting a Commercial

Lisa Hard at Work on the Cue Cards

Yeah, that's right! We shot a commercial , and it's currently undergoing the final editing stages now. We cannot wait to share it with you all in the days to come. The entire Love on the Fly team would like to thank the actors and film crew who helped to bring our ideas to life. Be sure to look for the official release on our Facebook page, as it will go live there, before finding its way here.

A Big Thank You to Our Actors Jordan and Eric